


Draco Malfoy's Blog

by Princess_Lunar_Eclipse_Moon



Series: Hogwarts Blogs [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Hogwarts discovers internet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-03-29 00:33:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3875725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princess_Lunar_Eclipse_Moon/pseuds/Princess_Lunar_Eclipse_Moon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Draco's blog</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Thread 1

New Posts By Draco Malfoy-1

**How do muggles work these things?**

Hermione Granger posted:

I _ **t's easy Draco just post like that. You can update your status**_

Harry Potter posted:

~~ _**Comment removed by Severus Snape** _ ~~

Draco Malfoy posted:

**Haha Potty. I bet that your weasel is on here too?**

Ron Weasley posted:

_**Bugger off Malfoy** _

Draco Malfoy posted:

**Shut it weasel this is my blog!!!**

Ron Weasley posted:

_***Glares at screen*** _

Draco Malfoy posted:

**Oh glaring at our screens are we Weasel???**


	2. Chapter 2

**Draco Malfoy updates his status:  
**

_Status update: I'm lonely._

Harry Potter replies:

**Wanna go to Diagon Alley with me? I've been cooped up too long at my aunt and uncle's house. Get your mum and dad to rescue me. I'm hurt badly and is about to pass out!!!**

Draco Malfoy posts:

**Alright we're on our way.**

 

~15 minutes later they are at Diagon alley.~

 

Lucius Malfoy posts:

**Harry wanna be adopted, we can't have you live with those...those muggles!!!** **  
**

 

Harry replies:

**Sure!!!**

 

 

Ron replies:

**Bloody hell harry**

 

Lucius replies:  
 **Language Weasel**

 

Ron replied:

**Like son, like father**

 

Lucius replied:

**What?**


	3. Thread 3

Thread 3-

_**Albus Dumbledore replies to everyone with an automatic shoutout:** _

_**EVERYONE, CLASSES WILL BE ONLINE ALL DAY LONG AND PROBABLY FOREVER!!! NOTE THAT YOU HAVE TO DO DETENTIONS OFFLINE THOUGH OH AND THE FORBIDDEN FOREST IS STILL OFFLIMITS INCASE YOU WERE WONDERING** _ **_ 1 _ **

 

_Severus Snape Replied:  
_

**And that doesn't mean that you can be dunderheads and not show up to potions!!! Potions are mandatory and cannot be taught online how to make one. You'll only screewuop!!!**

 

Harry Potter replied to this with laughter:

**UNCLE SEV YOU MISSPELLED SCREW UP!!!!**

_Ginny Weasley, Ron Weasley, Luna Lovegood, and 1000 other hogwartian users like this._

 

_Severus Snape replied:_

**DONT CALL ME THAT NAME IN PUBLICK!!!  
**

 

Sirus Black replied:

**What are you licking up in a pub Snivillus!!!**

_Severus Snape replied:  
_

**SHADDUP MANGEY MUTTLEY  
**

_**Albus Dumbledore replied:** _

**Severus don't trust auto cucumber  
**

**Edit 1: Auto correction  
**

**Edit 2: Autolettuce  
**

**Edit 3: I give up**

 

_Severus Snape Replied:_

**LET ME KILL AUTOCUCUMBER  
**

**Edit 1: GOD DONUT**

**Edit 3: DAM NITS**

**Edit 4: I give up**


	4. Thread 4

Thread 4:

**Draco updates his status:**

_Stupid autocorrect is messing everything up!!! Even Sev gave up on it :O_

Harry replied:

**Yeah I know!!!**

Draco Malfoy replied:

**They should expel Auto correct.**

Hermione replied:

**Dray it isn’t a someone, it is a thing. It corrects words and sentences.**

Draco Malfoy replied:

**…**


	5. Thread 5

**Draco updated his status:**

_Imma post some terribly awesome muggle text fails in next few threads:  
_

_ _


	6. Chapter 6

Hagrid posted to Draco Malfoy's blog:

**That was mean**

Draco:

**More**

** **


	7. Chapter 7

**Another**

 

**Hermione:**

**Why did you put that?**


	8. Chapter 8

**Last one:**

** **


	9. Chapter 9

**Wait look at this One:**

** **

 


	10. --Posting to Severus Snape's profile

Draco posted on severus's blog:

**DEAR SAINT SEV OF GOOD AND HOLEY, PLEASE RID ME OF MY CREEPYPASTA SCARES**

_Severus Snape replied:_

**??? IDIOT BOY SHOW ME WHAT YOU MEAN.**

Draco replies:

\--This freakazoid says: HEY HEY HEY STAY OUTTA MY SHED!!! I MEAN COME ON!!! SHE KILLED MAH FAV POY!!!

Edit 1:PONY

 

Someone hacks and edits it:

**HEY HEY HEY STAY OUTTA MY SHED AN I WONT KILL YAH!!!**

~~You've been pranked by weasley twins  
~~

_Severus Snape replies:_

**"Weasleys detention"  
**

_Mystery user replied:_

**Should we kill him???  
**

_Mystery user 2 replied:  
_

**No BRVR we should wait and see where this heads...  
**

_Draco Malfoy replied:_   
  
***Faints***


	11. Private messaging between Draco and Harry

Harry Posts to Draco's blog:

**Hai Dray**

Draco Replies:  
 **NANANANANANANANANANANANANANNANANNANANANNANANANANANANNANANANANANNANA  
**

**BREASTMILK**

**'Edit'**

**SWEET MERLIN I MEANT BATMAN!!!**

Harry replies:

**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MADE MY DAY**


	12. Drunk draco pming Snape

Draco posts:

**IM IN EQUESTRIA**

_Severus Snape posts:  
_

**Draco you're drunk aren't you???  
**

Draco Replies:

**Nope**

_Severus Snape replies:  
_

**Where do you live then?  
**

Draco replies:

**Underneath a mushroom in smurf's village**

_Severus Snape Replies:  
_

**GO TO BED NOW DRACO U ARE DUNK  
**

**Edit 1:  
**

**Drunk***

 

Draco:

**NEVER *jumps up and down emoticon is posted***


	13. Ok u ready for this??? Draco accidentally pms Discord from mlp and Pinkie pie from mlp while drunk.

Draco Malfoy posted:

**I've hid the body**

~~_Discord replies:  
_ ~~

~~**WTF NOT ANOTHER PINKIS CUPCAKES** ~~

Draco Malfoy posts this:

**Cupcakes? I CAN MAKE CUPCAKES WITH YOUR FLESH WEASEL!!!**

~~_Discord replies:_ ~~

**~~Alright how do i put this simply??? YOURE P-ING OFF THE LORD OF CHAOS!!!~~   
**

 

Note:

This will get better. I am just getting bored.


	14. Chapter 14

Draco Malfoy posted to Harry from last night's chat:

**Come on I wasn't THAT drunk was I?  
**

Harry Replied:

**Dude when we went to walmart(Muggle store) for fun, the intercom thing came on and you dropped to your knees and screamed, "MERLIN HAS SPOKEN!!!"  
**

Draco Replied:

**Awesome**

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Draco updated his status:**

_Why's everyone staring at me???_

 

Ron Weasley replied:

**Dude you were so drunk last night!**

 

Draco replied:

**No I wasn't. I will have father sue you weasel!!!**

 

Ron replied:

**U were shoving batteries up your butt singing I got the power.**

Draco Replied:

**:O**


	16. Chapter 16

Blaze Zambini posted to Draco's Blog:

**Dude you should stop drinking...**

Draco replied:

**Why**

Blaze replied:

**DUDE U ALMOST JUMP DOWN FROM THE ASTRONOMY TOWER SINGING I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!!!  
**

_Mysterious User 1 replied:_   
**I feel sorry for him...But they are trying to help him with his addiction.**   


 

_**BROWNIE POINTS FOR WHOEVER GUESSES MYSTERIOUS USERS 1 AND** _ **2!!!**


	17. Chapter 17

Harry posted:

**BOOM**

**POP POP BA-BOOM**

**KA-BOOM OM OM POP BOOM!!!**

Draco Replies:

**Dude WTF**

Harry Replies:

**I am live-texting you the fireworks display I am watching. You're welcome.**

**Boom boom ~Sparkle~ BANG**


	18. Chapter 18

**Draco updated his status:**

_Going to prank uncle sev._

 

 

Draco Posted: _  
_

**HALLELUJAH TEE GREAT DUMBLEDORL IS DEAD  
**

 

_Severus Snape replied:  
_

**WTF DRACO!!!  
**

 

Draco Posted:

**Major autocucumber fail...** **THAT meant to say:  
**

**HALLELUJAH THE GREAT DUMBLEDORD IS ARRIVED**

**Edit 1: Auto cannon**

***Dumbledore**

***Alive**

**Edit 2: Auto cabbage  
**

**Edit 3: Auto tomato**

**Edit 4: Stupid mudblood accessory phone.**

_Severus Snape replied_ :

**DRACO RECITE THE SPELL BOOK TO ME!!!**

Draco replied:

Harry Potter Spell List

Here I _think_ I got all the spells, charms, enchantments, curses, jinxes and all the other incantations. If there's any missing, e-mail us on the **[Owl Post](http://www.pojo.com/harrypotter/contactus.shtml)** page.  Enjoy! =D  
|  Incantation | Type of spell / charm | Resulting Effect  
---|---|---  
Accio | Charm | Summons an object  
---|---|---  
Aguamenti | Charm | Shoots water from wand.  
Alohomora | Charm | Opens locked objects  
Anapneo | Spell | Clears the target's airway.  
Aparecium | Spell | Reveals invisible ink  
Avada Kedavra | Curse | Murders opponent Unforgivable  
Avifors | Charm | Turns small objects into birds  
Avis | Spell | Launches birds from your wand  
  
\--

| 

\--

| 

\--  
  
Cave Inimicum | Spell | Strengthen an enclosure from enemies  
Colloportus | Spell | Magically locks door  
Confringo | Curse | Explode Flames on target  
Confundus | Charm | Used to confuse opponent  
Conjunctivitis | Curse | Damages opponents eyesight  
Crucio | Curse | Tortures opponent Unforgivable  
  
\--

| 

\--

| 

\--  
  
Defodio | Spell | Dig out materials  
Deletrius | Spell | Counters "Prior Incatato"  
Densaugeo | Spell | Enlarges Teeth  
Deprimo | Spell | Wind Damaging Spell  
Diffindo | Spell | Splits seams  
Dissendium | Spell | Opens "One eyed witch" hump  
Duro | Spell | Makes Objects Hard  
  
\--

| 

\--

| 

\--  
  
Engorgio | Charm | Enlarges and item  
Ennervate | Spell | Counters Stupefy  
Episkey | Spell | Heals minor injuries  
Erecto | Spell | Erects things  
Expecto Patronum | Charm | Creates a Patronus  
Expelliarmus | Charm | Disarms your opponent  
Expulso | Spell | Makes Objects Explode  
  
\--

| 

\--  
  
Ferula | Spell | Creates bandages  
Fidelius | Charm | Hides a secret within someone  
Finite Incantatum | Spell | Stops any current spells  
Flagrate | Spell | Allows user to write on objects  
Flipendo | Jinx | Knocks an object backwards  
Furnunculus | Curse | Produces boils on opponent  
  
\--

| 

\--

| 

\--  
  
Geminio | Spell | Duplicates an Object  
Glisseo | Spell | Turns stairs into ramps  
\-- | \-- | \--  
Homenum Revelio | Spell | Reveals humans nearby  
Homorphus | Charm | Lockhart's Werewolf "cure"  
  
\--

| 

\--

| 

\--  
  
Immobulus | Charm | Renders target immobile.  
Impedimenta | Charm | Slows an advancing object  
Imperio | Curse | Controls a person Unforgivable  
Impervius | Charm | Makes an object repel water  
Incarcerous | Spell | Ties someone up  
Incendio | Spell | Starts a fire  
  
\--

| 

\--

| 

\--  
  
Langlock | Spell | Glues opponent's tongue to roof of mouth  
Legilimens | Spell | Allows the caster to delve into the mind of the victim  
Levicorpus | Spell | Hangs victim upside down by feet  
Liberacorpus | Spell | Counterspell  
Locomotor Mortis | Curse | Locks opponents legs  
Lumos | Spell | Creates light at wand tip  
  
\--

| 

\--

| 

\--  
  
Meteolojinx Recanto | Spell | Causes weather effect spells to stop  
Mobiliarbus | Charm | Moves objects with wand  
Mobilicorpus | Spell | Moves unconscious bodies  
Morsmorde | Spell | Conjures the Dark Mark  
Muffliato | Spell | Prevents nearby people from listening to conversations  
  
\--

| 

\--

| 

\--  
  
Nox | Spell | Counter to Lumos  
  
\--

| 

\--

| 

\--  
  
Obliviate | Charm | Erases memories  
Obscuro | Spell | Blindfolds the victim  
Oppugno | Spell | Makes conjured items attack  
Orchideous | Spell | Conjures a bunch of flowers  
  
\--

| 

\--

| 

\--  
  
Pack | Spell | Packs a trunk (suitcase)  
Peskipiksi Pesternomi | Spell | Removes Pixies (maybe)  
Petrificus Totalus | Spell | Body - Bind  
Piertotum Locomotor | Spell | Animates statues and armor suits  
Point Me | Charm | Wand acts like a compass  
Priori Incantatum | Spell | Result when brother wands duel  
Prior Incantato | Spell | Reveals a wands last spell / cast  
Protego | Charm | Cause spells to reflect back to the sender.   
Protego Horribilis | Spell | Protects one from Dark Magic  
Protego Totalum | Spell | Area Protection Spell  
  
\--

| 

\--

| 

\--  
  
Quietus | Spell | Counter spell for Sonorus  
  
\--

| 

\--

| 

\--  
  
Reducio | Spell | Returns items to original size. Counters Engorgio  
Reducto | Spell | Blasts solid objects aside  
Relashio | Spell | Releases user from binding  
Rennervate | Spell | Cures unconsciousness  
Reparo | Spell | Repairs Things  
Repello Muggletum | Spell | Keeps Muggles away  
Rictusempra | Charm | Tickles opponent  
Riddikulus | Spell | Use this spell and laugh to defeat a boggart  
  
\--

| 

\--

| 

\--  
  
Salvio Hexia | Spell | Protection against hexes  
Scruge | Charm | Destroys ectoplasm (remains of ghosts)  
Sectumsempra | Spell | Causes wounds as if slashed by a sword  
Serpensortia | Spell | Produces Snake  
Silencio | Spell | Silences victim  
Sonorus | Spell | Amplifies voice  
Specialis Revelio | Spell | Reveals Hidden secrets or magical properties  
Stupefy | Spell | Knocks out opponent  
  
\--

| 

\--

| 

\--  
  
Tarantallegra | Spell | Forces opponent to dance  
Tergeo | Spell | Cleans up messes  
  
\--

| 

\--

| 

\--  
  
Waddiwasi | Spell | Unsticks an object  
Wingardium Leviosa | Charm | Makes on object fly


	19. Status update

**Draco Malfoy posted:**

So I went and saw Inside Out with Harry Potter a couple months ago and I was wondering if we actually have little emotions controlling our actions and such. Maybe Voldyshorts has Anger controlling him a whole lot and Harry perhaps doesn't have a Fear. Harry must just have Joy. Since when have I called Harry, _Harry_?...

 

**Harry Potter replied:**

Since I got adopted -.-

 

**Draco replied:**

Why is Harry giving me the stupid face?

 

**Severus Snape replied:**

Idiot Boy!!! People don't have little personel controlling their everyday activities


End file.
